Over the years I have questioned why do I have two boys with Autism, as there are days I just don’t have the patience. Lately, Caleb has been defiant where he locks the bathroom doors we can’t get in then, he runs away, and the list goes on and on!!! But I try not to complain because when you have the good days you cherish those moments. Cameron and Caleb both are on the Autism Spectrum but two different functioning levels.
Cameron has told us numerous times, he hates that he has Autism, that people just don’t understand him, when he says that to us I feel like crying for him because he is such a wonderful son. He has only been invited to one birthday party in his lifetime, and has never been invited over to a friend’s house.
There are days when I say I am failing as a mother to my children because I don’t know what to do for them to help them when they have their meltdowns when I myself want to have a meltdown with them.
Both of the boys have an older brother Brandon from my first marriage who they love very much, and I just feel awful because there were times I really wanted to see Brandon but couldn’t because both of the boys their moods were all over the place.
When I get to that dark place where I feel as a failing place I turn to God because I know he will never leave me or foresake me.
Isaiah 41:10-13English Standard Version (ESV)
10 fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
11 Behold, all who are incensed against you
shall be put to shame and confounded;
those who strive against you
shall be as nothing and shall perish.
12 You shall seek those who contend with you,
but you shall not find them;
those who war against you
shall be as nothing at all.
13 For I, the Lord your God,
hold your right hand;
it is I who say to you, “Fear not,
I am the one who helps you.”